[rant]

i don't know what to do with myself.
i was headed down a nice little road.
and then everything disappeared.
and i was left in the middle of nowhere.
do you walk in the direction you're facing?
or do you turn around to go back?
you turn around to look.
to see if there's something behind you.
something closer.
but nothing.
and you turn to the side.
nothing.
other side?
still nothing.
and then you don't know what way you were facing.
which way was forward?
what way is the right way?
how close is salvation?
which direction will take me there?
which direction will take me *anywhere*?
if there is something in all directions...
what is where?
and what is closer?
you look to the sky.
you know that polaris is at the tip of the little dipper
which is also knows as the north star.
but you see
n o t h i n g.
you see no pattern.
just... dots.
evenly spaced.
what is this place?
where are you?

yeah.
exactly.

and then suddenly
when you feel like you've got no hope for survival
you blink... and you're back.
but something's different.
or is it?
is it the same?
was that tree to the left of the road?
you could have sworn it was on the right.
did the road go up a hill?
what way were you going?
are you just imagining things?
do you *really* want to walk?
or is someone playing a trick on you?
you're paranoid.
you suddenly don't want to move.
you're afraid to make any decisions.
because you don't know
what
will
happen.

why is this happening?
is this real?
why you?
you didn't do anything wrong, did you?
did you do anything to deserve this?
could you have done soemthing different
that would have prevented this?

who knows.
who knows where you are.
or why it happened.
why it was you.
not someone else.
nobody knows
if someone thinks this is a game.
or if it has to happen.
if it was inevitable.
or preventable.

and then your best friend is at your side.
smiling at you as you sit in the middle of the road
thinking about what the hell is going on.
he offers his hand to you
to help you up.
to lead you down the road again.
or are they?
are they just playing with you?
is this a plot to hurt you?
are you going to fall through the rabbit hole
down the neverending black hole
and become alice in wonderland, yet again.
but in the middle of the desert.
with nobody to tell you where that damn white rabbit went?

you start walking anyway.
telling yourself that it won't happen.
you're in control this time.
you're prepared to be hit from the side this time.
you know something's coming.
it won't be that bad.

maybe.

only time will truly tell.